You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
