I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
