First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Randomize
