The brown eye won't let me do that either.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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