An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
