Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
