so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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