Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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