it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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