if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You are a genius and a whore.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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