It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
