I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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