I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
