So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
