I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
