His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
