My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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