just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
