he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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