Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
