I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
