I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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