So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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