this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
