I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
