That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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