I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
