Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Woke up backwards on a recliner
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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