Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Houston, we have a blender
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My vagina is very pro this idea
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
