I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
soo... how was my night?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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