I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
