Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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