did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
