we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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