just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
