This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
