im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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