I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
