My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
