just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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