I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We left the knife in your bed.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
