it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize