"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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