i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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