I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
