I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
