so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
