Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
