ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
