I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
