I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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