happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
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she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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