Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
