my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize