I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
