I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Is it penis luge time yet?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
