She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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