xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
