Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
