will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
